Jesus our (Family) Life Colossians 3 verse 18 to 4 verse 1

 

Introduction

In today’s passage we find, to some at least, words that are particularly jarring. The term ‘submit’ seem so at odds with our contemporary culture’s obsession with ‘individual freedom’ and ‘self-fulfilment’. We will come back to this in just a moment.

But for now, let us be aware that today’s verses would also have been jarring for the original audience in Colossae 2,000 years ago. Consider what they had just been hearing up to this point:

In Colossians 1 they had heard of Christ’s supremacy over creation and sufficiency for salvation. Only in Christ could true fullness and freedom be found. Then, in Colossians 2, they had heard how Christ must be their focus- as Believers they must stay grounded on Christ and grow in Him. And, in Chapter 3, this idea is more fully fleshed out- the wonder of union with Christ and the call to transformation in Him; to live a full life in Him and for Him.

They have heard the truth that Jesus is Saviour and Lord in the most wonderful of terms and they have been called to find fulfilment in Him. And then they hear these words:

¹⁸ Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands…

¹⁹ Husbands, love your wives…

²⁰ Children, obey your parents…

²¹ Fathers, do not embitter your children…

You can imagine the looks on their faces. This is an apparently astonishing shift of subject from the cosmic work of Christ, reconciling all things and bringing fullness of life, to the tiny domestic scene of husband and wife and children.

But that is, in fact, the point. As God addresses the Believer in his home, He is still talking about the consequences of Christ’s work on the Cross. If that decisive event is intended to bring order and peace back to the chaos of a fallen world, then we must understand that this same work of Christ brings order and peace to the family.

In other words, because our relationship with God has changed through Christ, our relationships with those around us must change for Christ. Christ, His supreme Lordship and His fullness of life, brings peace and order to our lives so that we might flourish and display the fullness of His grace to those around us.

We will see that today as we consider God’s instructions to husbands and wives (we will consider the other relationships next week as we conclude our series in Colossians). Taking both our passage in Colossians, and the corresponding passage in Ephesians, we see marriage set within a Gospel context and the true meaning of marriage wonderfully explained. Here we see that the whole point of marriage is the Glory of God and the display of His transforming grace in the lives of His People.

It is with this truth in mind that God spells out the biblical recipe for a truly healthy marriage relationship. Here we see that marriage is about the:

Willing Submission of the Wife and the Loving Sacrifice of the Husband.

Marriage is about the transforming grace of the Gospel and the call of husbands and wives to find true fulfilment in honouring God’s perfect way for His Glory.

Today are called to see marriage differently- as a beautiful picture of the Gospel- and live accordingly. So, for all of us, whether single, married, divorced, widowed or in any condition of marriage, these beautiful passages remind us of the sacrificial love of Christ and our call to live for Him.

So, let us turn firstly to consider… 

Willing Submission

In verse 18 we read:

¹⁸ Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.

To some, this verse contains the most inflammatory words ever written. And yet, they are also some of the most grossly misunderstood words ever penned.

But today we must see the treasure they contain by taking time to properly understand what God is really saying. As we must remember that His chief concern in these verses is that all Believers will learn to live in the fullness that only Christ can supply.

Firstly, then, we need to put these verses in their proper context. Remember, this passage is part of the call on all Believers to live under Christ’s Lordship and in response to the victory He has won at the Cross. At the Cross Christ brought reconciliation, peace with God, to the entire cosmos- out of the chaos caused by the Fall God brought order through Christ.

Christ brings fullness of life by establishing good order- and this applies just as much to marriages and families as it does to the Church and wider society. In verses 18 and 19 then we learn that because our relationship with God has changed through Christ, our relationships with those around us must change for Christ.

So, in verse 18, this general teaching is applied specifically to the household context and how it is ordered by God for our good and His Glory; verse 18 says:

¹⁸ Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.

At any time, this is a challenging command and a high calling. But in our day especially Biblical submission is feared, distorted and criticised. So let us be clear about what submission is, what it is not and why it is commanded.

Firstly, Biblical submission is not about worth or value, dignity or ability. Submission is not an attempt to make women inferior to men in any way. Notice, that this command is given in the specific context of marriage: wives must follow the leading of their own husbands, not every man in this world.

Secondly, Biblical submission is not mindless compliance. A husband’s authority is not absolute. The wife submits as part of her service to Christ. To submit is not to become a doormat, unable to offer an opinion or express disagreement with a husband’s view- especially if this conflicts with God’s Word. The wife must graciously, lovingly challenge her husband and offer her insight.

So, this is what Biblical Submission is NOT. But now let’s consider what is it and why is it commanded?

Firstly, the word ‘submit’ literally means ‘order under’. It is a military term and is related to the idea of good order and proper functioning. So what is being said here is: wives, order your lives under the God-given headship of your husband for the flourishing of the entire family unit.

Submission is about the divine ordering of a home where God assigns roles for His eternal purposes. The husband is head of the home because of divine order not because of natural ability.

This command, then, is a call on wives to gladly place themselves under the one God has placed over them. In Christ there is a proper order to marriage- the husband is the head of the wife. At the heart of this command is the idea that the wife lovingly and wholeheartedly arranges herself and her desires under the God-given authority and leadership of her husband as they serve God’s purposes together.

Wives let me gently say: Your husband needs you as he strives to fulfil the God-given call on his life. You can either help him or hurt him by freely offering him respect as a man. Please be his helper as he seeks to honour His God-given calling to love and cherish, protect and provide, sanctify and serve you.

Secondly, the Bible commands wives to submit to their husbands ‘…as is fitting in the Lord…’ because authentic submission is an act of worship, a ministry to the husband. To embrace submission means letting God rule His universe in the way He knows is best. It is accepting the divine order that He has ordained in eternity for all families. It is graciously and lovingly accepting the role that He has assigned to the wife so that God’s purposes will be fulfilled.

Remember wives: Your obedience to God’s call to submission is no more a sign of weakness or inferiority in you than it was in Jesus when He submitted to His Father’s will, saying, ‘Not as I will, but as you will’. You are much like Jesus when you submit.

So, a wife’s submission is her voluntary, loving service to her husband and the grateful worship she gives to her Lord. Submission is driven by a fuller understanding of the Gospel, and the profound impact it must have on our marriages. The grace that has been lavished on us will provoke us to be gracious with each other and seek a marriage that flourishes within a culture of quick repentances and loving service for the glory of God.

Submission isn’t easy. Submission requires swimming against the flow of Western culture today. Submission requires us to humble ourselves before the Lord and remember that He is our Lord and Saviour. And submission can be open to abuse when it is divorced from Bible’s teaching on the character of the husband’s headship, under which the Christian wife is called to order her life.

So, let us turn and consider the sacrificial love that is required of husbands…

Loving Sacrifice

Did God give the wife or the husband the more demanding role in marriage?

Today is seems to be assumed automatically that God demanded that wives play the more difficult role. Many people complain that submission is just too difficult or demeaning. It is claimed it is a sexist, chauvinistic idea from a bygone era.

However, what God says to husbands in verse 19, and especially what he says in Ephesians 5 verses 25 to 31, sets the command to submit in a whole new light. In both passages husbands are called to ‘…love your wives…’. So a husband’s leadership must flow from his love. And this love is to be deep, pure, sacrificial and servant hearted. In Ephesians 5 verses 25 to 31 God offers two extremely demanding models for a husband’s love.

Firstly, God commands husbands to love their wives ‘…as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her …’ (verse 25). Think about that for a moment: Husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the Church! Husbands are to love with a sacrificial and sanctifying love that seeks the true well-being of his wife. This is not just about uttering the words ‘I love you’, but living out the reality in thought and deed.

Surely there could be no higher calling, no more demanding a role!

For the husband, ‘loving your wife’ means giving up his life even unto death; and until that is necessary, it means dying to what is easiest for him in countless little ways. Practically, a husband should take the initiative in sacrificially giving himself for the good of his wife- he will give her himself, give her his time and he will put her interests above his own.

He will be a servant leader- not just providing for her materially but giving himself to her emotional and spiritual needs. He must study his wife and prayerfully ask the Lord to reveal what brings her joy, what provokes her sorrow, and, above all, what constitutes her deepest need. And he must take the spiritual initiative by leading in family worship and making sure that he and his wife are a praying couple.

So, a Christian husband does not exist for himself but commits himself to truly blessing his wife. He must live, and if necessary, die for his wife. When a man becomes a husband his life is no longer his own- he is called to something greater than himself, something more profound than any of his other ambitions.

The husband’s chief goal is the same as Christ’s: that his bride be sanctified and flourish in growing holiness. A husband is to be concerned, not primarily for his wife’s short-term happiness (perhaps hoping for an easier life himself), but for her long-term holiness. He needs to be primarily concerned for the day when she will stand before Christ; and her spiritual condition will be taken into account when he stands before Christ himself.

So, a Christlike husband will be like a ‘spiritual thermostat’- he will set the spiritual temperature of the home. He will seek to stoke the fires of his wife’s love for Jesus through prayer, private devotions and practical service in the family of God. He will set the priorities in the family and ensure Christ is put front and centre in every decision. And a godly man will find the growing godliness of his wife beautiful at every age. All of this is hugely challenging but in Christ there is never-ending forgiveness for our failures and strength to keep trying.

A Christlike husband, then, is a husband worth submitting to because he loves his wife with a love modelled on Christ and His sacrificial love for all His People. The Gospel transforms marriage by provoking the husband to become like Christ. A Christlike husband finds in Christ a model for sacrificial, loving, strong, tender headship. And the Christlike husband is bound by God’s love to ensure that his wife finds their marriage a source of rich fulfilment and joyful service to the Lord.

In Ephesians 5 God reminds us that the relationship between a husband and wife is a picture of the bond between Jesus and His People. As husbands and wives fulfil their God-given roles, they display the Gospel to the world. Loving Husbands illustrate the self-sacrificial love of Jesus that redeems His People. And wives who respect and trust their husbands display the proper response of all to Christ’s love. We proclaim God’s glory and our responsibility to the world as we fulfil our duties as husbands and wives.

So let these final truths leave us with several challenges:

Firstly, let us, as God’s People, never belittle marriage in our words or attitudes. It is a precious gift that helps us display the Gospel and ponder the love of God. So, let us pray for marriages and seek to support those who are married.

Secondly, husbands and wives must pursue God’s calling with God’s help for God’s Glory. Husbands, be prepared to die for your wives and love your wives so deeply, purely, and sacrificially that they will know the love of God through your servant leadership. Wives, do all you can to make it easy for your husbands to love you.

And, finally, for those who will be preparing for marriage in the future there is one more application. The answer to the following questions may help you sense whether someone you are attracted to is a suitable partner:

• Am I prepared to have this man as the head of our home? Would it be for my long-term blessing and for the advance of Christ’s Kingdom to submit to Him?
• Do I love this woman with a desire to see her sanctified and blessed, and would I do anything to care for and protect her? Would I be prepared to die for her?

Marriage is a great privilege and joy, and an awesome responsibility. It should not be taken lightly. So, let us heed the wisdom of these words and be prepared to align ourselves in humble obedience to God’s gracious instruction as it relates to His precious gift of marriage.

 

Conclusion

As we consider all the profound truths of these passages let us remember the words of Martin Luther:

There is no more lovely, friendly, and charming relationship, communion, or company than a good marriage.

So, as God’s People, let us glorify God and enjoy His good gift of marriage by praying for those who are married, preparing ourselves properly for marriage and pursuing our roles in marriage. And may we allow the Gospel to transform our marriages so that our marriages display the wonders of the Gospel and draw many to Christ.